The Lexicon of Love #7: Religious Mania

 Of all the unlikely forms of love, the love of god is the one I find the most bizarre. I grew up in Ireland, where religious mania is culturally mainstream and a little bit dreary. Unfortunately the Catholic Church has enjoyed a monopoly on belief since the foundation of the state, and it's stifled innovation. Things are much more interesting in America where thousands of marginal churches and sects compete for attention in a free market of fictive delusions. One of the most original must be the Nation of Yaweh, who believe that black Africans are the true Israelites. Their leader Yaweh Ben Yaweh had a penchant for beheading his enemies and was jailed in the 1990s on charges of racketeering and conspiracy to murder. Meanwhile, his disciple, Reverend Alicia, chair-danced her way into my heart and my subconscious. I sometimes catch myself humming this tune without realising, I fear I've fallen under her spell.



I'm also a fan of flamer Paul Eugene and his gospel dance aerobics.



Another woman who has carved out a niche for herself in the crowded evangelical marketplace is Princess Ramona, a American Indian princess who praises the lord through gospel yodelling. You can really hear her love for America and for Jesus when she yodels.   

Finally, praising the good lord has never sounded so good as when done by the Joubert singers, mixed by Larry Levan. Thank god for America.

Princess Ramona - Then I Start to Yodel

The Joubert Singers - Stand on the Word

The Lexicon of Love #6: Treacle

You won't like it sugar.




It makes me wonder what it must have been like to grow up at a time when smiles like this were plausible and rascism like this was casual.

Peggy Lee and Dean Martin - You Was

The Lexicon of Love #5: Incest

Lots of people had a squeamish reaction to the depiction of an incestuous relationship between a father and daughter in Precious but over the years plenty of nubile young woman have sung songs that eroticise the idea of 'daddy', and some creepy old men have celebrated the charms of little girls - the paedophile in the playground scene from Gigi springs to mind...




And here's Eartha Kitt from her 'That Bad Eartha' album singing 'My Heart Belongs To Daddy'

Eartha Kitt - My Heart Belongs to Daddy

The Lexicon of Love #4: Possession

The night we met I knew I needed you so
And if I ever had the chance I'd never let you go

The Ronettes - Be My Baby

Last year Phil Spector was finally found guilty of shooting Lana Clarkson, and on the basis of his mugshot I think it's a miracle the jury took so long to convict. There are so many amazing stories about Spector's freakishly possessive attitude towards woman, my favourites are those that relate to his marraige with Ronette Bennett of The Ronnettes fame. Like how, on the rare occasions he allowed Ronette out of the house unaccompanied, she had to have a life size cardboard cut off of Phil beside her in the car's passenger seat. Or the one about the time a friend was playing pool with Spector at his mansion when he became aware of a distant thumping sound.

“I said, ‘Phil, what’s that?’ And he said, ‘I locked Ronnie in the closet’. And there she was, cowering inside.”

Or the time he showed his wife a gold coffin with a glass top and promised to kill her and display her inside if she ever left him. Now there's a bio-pic waiting to happen.

'Tonight You Belong To Me' is a sickly sweet love song that candy coats it's sinister message. A cover of Gene Austins 1927 original, Patience and Prudence had a huge hit with it in 1956.

Patience and Prudence - Tonight You Belong To Me

The Lexicon of Love #3: Obsession

 

You might wake up some mornin'
To the sound of something moving past your window in the wind
And if you're quick enough to rise
You'll catch a fleeting glimpse of someone's fading shadow

Bob Lind - Elusive Butterfly

Surely Bob Lind's 'Elusive Butterfly' is one of the creepiest love songs of all time. Frankly I'd rather not catch a fleeting glimpse of anyone's fading shadow or be 'followed close by heavy breathing'. This song's threatening message is thinly veiled by the sweetness of the orchestration.

Morrissey's another man who's no stranger to love of the obsessive variety. On 'The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get' he describes his unusual seduction techinique which sounds more like a war of attrition than a whirlwind romance. 

When you sleep I will creep Into your thoughts
Like a bad debt that you can't pay
Take the easy way and give in

That said, he sounded very charming on Desert Island Discs.


Morrissey: The More You Ignore Me...
Uploaded by BabaORiley. - See the latest featured music videos.

Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get 

The Lexicon of Love #2: Lust

I learned to differentiate between love and lust by listening to the music in gay discos. The songs about love were invariably depressing and centred on rejection, loneliness and heartbreak, whilst lust songs were up-tempo, more fun and better for dancing to.

One of the all time classic Hi-NRG disco lust songs is Miguel Brown's 'So Many Men, So Little Time', ironically released at a time when AIDs was starting to decimate the gay scene. Particularly hard-hit were those who frequented the sort of gym-cum-sauna arrangement Miguel can be seen prancing through below.



Another classic lust song is Lollipop Lips by Connie Francis, the Madonna of the 1950's. Connie specialised in tear-jerker ballads like 'Who's Sorry Now' and 'Everybodies Somebodies Fool' but she occassionally ventured into more frisky territory with songs like 'Lipstick on Your Collar' and 'Where the Boys Are'. Not too frisky though - in 1999 Connie sued the producers of a trashy High School movie called Jawbreaker for using 'Lollipop Lips' as the background music for a sex scene. Actually I haven't seen Jawbreaker but it looks hilarious, here's the trailer, and the whole thing's on YouTube.

 


Miguel Brown - So Many Men So Little Time (12' mix)

Connie Francis - Lollipop Lips

The Lexicon of Love #1: Heartbreak

Each day this week I'm going to post some of my favourite songs that deal with different facets of love; namely lust, obsession, possession, treacle, incest, and religious mania. But I'll start where it usually ends - heartbreak. 

Just because you're heartbroken doesn't mean you have to start whining and boring your friends. Take some advice from Edith Massey and suck it up.

"You broke my heart and you made me cry
You hurt me when you were around
But now I'M back to let YOU know
You'll never keep THIS big girl down"

Edith Massey - Big Girls Don't Cry

But if self empowerment doesn't help then perhaps wishing death on your estranged partner and fantasising about tap dancing on his grave will do it - as demonstrated in the below clip by the ladies of Sunnyside Lane (the polite conversation segues into something more lively around the 3minute mark, as is so often the way).




The Blue Lyres - You Rascal You

america's next top filthbag

Tyra's real good at beating up on expressionless waifs but wouldn't stand a chance against Divine and Edith Massey....

Fun as this clip is I think Divine was mis-cast. She should clearly be in the Tyra Banks role as 'goddess of filth' - each week a contender would be convicted of assholism or first degree stupidity, and executed.



America's Next Top Filthbag! Show me beauty you say? Put a mirror on the ground and let me straddle it I say. There's your beauty - at 3.05.

Divine - I'm So Beautiful

Divine - Shake It Up (Bobby O Mix)